Friday, December 30, 2011

The 2011 Mad Monarchist Awards

Yes, it’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for (just play along); the announcement of the winners (and losers as the case may be) of the Monarchist Madness Awards for 2011. I’m still recovering from the after-party for the Monaco Madness Awards so let’s get down to business shall we:

The Nick and Nora Charles Award for cutest couple goes to TRH the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge for being as adorable as a toddler holding a kitten in one hand and a puppy in the other. This was an easy one, especially after that trip to Calgary when the newlyweds donned their jeans and Stetsons -in that moment I could almost imagine Texas having a monarchy.

The King Louis XIV Award for epic royal absolutism goes to Prince-Regent Alois of Liechtenstein for crushing the effort to legalize abortion with the simple threat of a royal veto. That, my friends, is royal authority being used in the best way. Congrats!

The Foster Brooks Award for appreciation of over-indulging in adult beverages goes to HRH Prince Harry for visiting the “Sin City” of Las Vegas and being most impressed by the fact casinos offer free drinks as long as you keep gambling. Bottoms up!


The Tammy Wynette Award goes to Princess Claire of Belgium for standing by her man, which is not easy when your man is the gaffe-prone Prince Laurent. Kudos to you Princess Claire, God bless you.

The Bonnie Prince Charlie Award for the most active royal pretender goes, once again, to Crown Prince Alexander of Serbia for working with the public, civil and religious officials to not only express his willingness to be King but advocating for constitutional monarchy as a better government than a republic. God bless him.

The Kelly Grace Award goes to Princess Theodora of Greece for being a real-life princess who became a professional actress officially since joining the cast of a soap opera out in Hollywood. We wish her all due success in her chosen profession.

King Albert prepares to bulldoze the parliament
The Job Award, not the most sought after, for extreme royal patience and devotion to duty in difficult times goes to King Albert II of the Belgians for presiding over a country where it often seems that each half hates the other half and who set a new record for a country going without a permanent government. Perhaps in no other country but Belgium is the monarchy more clearly and immediately necessary.

We have a Double Take Award for Crown Prince Haakon of Norway who went to Nepal on behalf of the UN to check up on how they are advancing the cause of “gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender” rights and who was “treated” to a dance by cross-dressing transgender natives. What a job.

The Good King Wenceslaus Award for royal popularity goes this year to Queen Margrethe II of Denmark for presiding over a lack of scandals, displaying steady leadership and making the Danish monarchy the most popular in Europe. Denmark is just awesome -everything runs so smoothly you sometimes forget they’re there. And, once again, the Queen of Denmark also takes home the King Zog Award for royal smoking, regardless of what the healthy people say. Daisy must have a bit of a libertarian streak in her.

The Princess Stephanie Rhythm Award goes to Princess Caroline of Hanover and Charlotte Caisraghi for bopping out on the balcony to the song “Africa” on Monaco’s National Day. Who knew the Grimaldi girls were Toto fans?

The Caligula Award for being a royal embarrassment goes to King Mswati III of Swaziland for holding wives prisoner, setting a bad example in times of poverty and then crying when he doesn’t get more bailout money. You’re doing yourself and your country no favors. I don’t like saying this to royalty but --shape up!

Finally we have the Barney Fife Award which goes to King Carl XVI Gustaf of Sweden for shooting himself in the foot -so to speak and greatly lowering the prestige of the monarchy all because he couldn’t keep better company. Not good Majesty. Not good.

And now, the last prize of the evening, the presentation of the Mad Monarchist Medal which recognizes, as a way of showing our appreciation, the monarchist blog or website which sent the most visitors to The Mad Monarchist. And the award goes to (drum roll please) … the blog Royal World which sent more than twice as much traffic our way than the next highest contender. The Mad Monarchist Medal goes to Royal World, and its purveyor and readers of course, along with our sincere thanks and gratitude. Wear it in good health.

11 comments:

  1. Great Choices for all the Good, Bad and Ugly of Royalty across the world this year. Some make you proud to be a Monarchist, others make you facepalm, but overall, I'd say this was a great year for us.

    The Royal Wedding of William & Kate, I think has brought many Monarchists out of the closet, so to speak, and will no doubt serve as a milestone for years to come.

    P.S. You are right about The Duke and Duchess in Calgary, relive me, deep down, most Americans want a Monarchy they are just too afraid to say it.

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  2. Applause.
    If I may extend my own award to the Mad Monarchist for no doubt being one of the most read (if not the most) and active monarchist blog on the internet. Well done, to another successful year. Though there is still one more day to go, of course.

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  3. Great awards, sir.

    I only have the WRU Unplugger of the Year as an annual award, and have since 2008, but it is only announced at the very end of the year.

    Perhaps you have inspired me now on the longer term to introduce more annual awards.

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  4. The King of the Belgians certainly deserves his award!

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  5. BTW, sir, I liked the King Louis XIV Award for epic royal absolutism the most -- including what it was awarded for. :-)

    I do, however, have some reservations about the contemporary use of absolutism and constitutional monarchy.

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  6. The motto of the Saudi family just changed, to "thank Allah for Swaziland"

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  7. J.K., I get a headache dealing with definitions these days, nothing means what it's supposed to mean anymore and I usually just go with the flow and don't argue about it. Liechtenstein, of course, is a "constitutional monarchy", as is Monaco, as was Imperial Germany, pre-WW2 Japan etc but I use "absolute" sometimes in talking about Liechtenstein or Monaco because the Prince still has the final say on what is done.

    Zimri -that's a great one!

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  8. Interesting line up for the awards, I must admit.

    I remember reading an essay somewhere saying that Kate was William's best choice because she had a clear understanding that monarchy is not just parties and perks but also very demanding 24/7 kind of profession.

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  9. Great ideas for the awards! The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge really wearing cowboy outfits really inspires a Texan! And of course Liechtenstein has always held a special place in my heart. The last bit of the "Old World" in Europe, where the Prince still rules and abortion is illigal! Caligula award perfect for my least favorite monarch.

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  10. When will the 2013 awards be issued?

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    Replies
    1. At the end of the year? I didn't have time to do it last year, too much going on, and it would seem a little silly to do it so long after the fact.

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